Chaand par chai ☕️

2:22 am  Today, after a long time, I had a deep conversation with my mom. We usually talk, but today it felt different, and I realized that there are a lot of expectations from me. I might have been careless in some aspects. My routine is a clear indication that I'm doing many wrong things that are affecting my health and disturbing my mind. After reflecting on all this, I decided to deactivate my Instagram because I felt it was my biggest distraction. However, when I opened Instagram, I came across a post in my feed that said you’re not just being lazy or procrastinating; you also don’t want to step out of your comfort zone. In this struggle, you’re unable to become who you want to be. The post emphasized that you need momentum along with motivation, as motivation can give you false hope that you can do it, but momentum helps you develop the habit of being consistent by creating small habits. So today, I will try not to scroll on my phone after 1 AM without any reason and focus on...

2:44 am Today at home, the bed in my parents' room has been there for 15 years, since I was in 4th grade, and it has stayed in that same room until now. Suddenly today, I felt like the bed had sunk. When I removed the mattress and looked, I found that it had termites and probably won’t last more than a week or 15 days. I felt bad upon realizing this, but I also understood one thing: if we don’t take care of something, it often doesn’t last long. The bed that has been there for so many years suddenly has termites because it hasn’t been given any attention. We thought it was fine as it was, no matter how many people sat on it or how much water spilled on it; we believed it could endure everything. Perhaps in all this, we forgot that it also has its limits.  Talking about the bed reminds me that i used to think that the real battle in life took place outside in the fields, mostly with strangers who were unknown to me. But as I grew older, I realized that I was living in an illusion. I...

4:24 am  शायद मैं एक परिंदा हूँ, जो सूरज के करीब उड़ता गया,   प्रेरणा की किरणों में डूबा, पर अब थका-थका सा रहा।   जीवन के तूफान अब रोमांच नहीं देते,   हर झोंका एक परिचित सिसक, दिल को चीरते।   अगर मुझे दिखता है वह क्षितिज, जहाँ सपने उड़ान भरते,   तो क्यों चिंता की छाया, मेरी आँखों में छिपते?   इस चमकदार मुखौटे के पीछे, बादल घेरते,   चुपचाप डर की लहरें, मन को भेदते।   एक लहर का अहसास, इच्छा की गहराई,   खुद को ढूंढने की चाह, जलती आग की सच्चाई।   पर निर्णय की तट पर, ठहराव का जाल,   इस बेचैन धारा में, खो जाता है हाल।   इस आराम की सागर में, जहाँ डर और आशा मिलते,   मैं खोजता हूँ एक पतवार, जो मुझे दिशा दे।   तो मैं खड़ा हूँ उस कगार पर, जहाँ दुनिया है मेरे पास,   उड़ने को तैयार, अपने दिल की धड़कन को जगाने को बस। S.S.

2:45 am So today we were talking about the future... my friend asked me how I imagine myself in the future. I had to think a lot about what I want. Earlier, I used to answer that I would either be a big scholar or a great artist. But today, the only thing that came to my mind is that I just want stability in life and that my mind should never be filled with dirt or negativity. My friend said that this is only possible when I do something good career-wise and have money in my pocket; only then will there be some normalcy in life, and my faith will not waver. I found her point quite valid, and the question arises whether I should maintain the stability I have in my life or run like others to earn money so that my future is secure. But in this race for money, will I lose sight of my ultimate goal of normalcy and stability? Or should I do something that brings me happiness, like staying at home? But will this make me look small or a failure in the eyes of society? फ़िलहाल तो मैं इस उलझन पर...

3:35 am  It is said that you do not realize your importance in someone's life when you are with them, but only when you go away from them. But why is it that when you are close to someone, you don't tell them how important they are to you or that you don't want to lose them? It is not necessary to feel guilty about losing them and then spend your life writing sad poetry and quotes in their memory. If there is love, then show it; why be so ashamed? Love is a very beautiful thing, but unfortunately, due to people's bad experiences, love gets a bad name, and people start to fear love, which is something that is most needed in this world. प्यार न देखे फ़ायदा-नुकसान, प्यार है तभी ज़िंदगी की हर मुश्किलें आसान।♥️ -S.S.

 It's 3:51 AM, and I've tried to sleep twice but woke up again. Today was quite a hectic day. The atmosphere was very joyful, but at the same time, it was filled with exhaustion. I thought I would sleep early today, but look, it's already 4 AM, and I'm here writing this blog. Anyway, the only point I wanted to make is that maybe it's not the tiredness that's keeping me awake, but the lack of peace. As I wrote in yesterday's blog, something feels missing... maybe that's what's preventing me from sleeping. But yes, today was a lovely day, for which I am very grateful. I feel lucky that I have time to think like this because for some people, even this is not in their fate, as they are so busy in their daily lives that they don't even have the time to breathe. Hum sach me ye maante hain ki..अंधेरा शायद सिर्फ़ कमरे तक ही सीमित है हमारे, बाहर निकलते ही रोशनी की किरण नज़र आएगी और वैसे भी वो कहते हैं ना , ‘भगवान के घर में देर है, अंधेर नहीं।’ॐ

So, I am back here to write something. Right now, my life is all about waking up late in the morning and being busy with family throughout the day. But when the night comes and it’s peaceful, but I can’t sleep, it feels like something is missing in my life . I’ve been feeling this way for 6-7 years. In between, there was a lot of anxiety and stress, but now it’s fine. Because now I’ve learned (maybe) to control my thoughts. Sometimes, time seems to drag on, but if you look at it, it’s slipping away like sand. It’s a strange illusion. Maybe by the time I fully understand all these games of life, my time will be up. Oh, I’ve started talking negatively again. Yes, so I was saying that in the tranquility of the night, I feel like something is missing. A quest is ongoing… God must have chosen me for some greater purpose; I believe that. I want to see this delusion turn into reality very soon… By the way, have you noticed that I can control my thoughts now?  Haar kar jeetne wale ko baazi...

 I just found out about this site today. I'm writing this blog at 3 AM tonight. Just see what loneliness and unemployment can do. You fall so far behind because the rest of the world has moved ahead of you. Now I just hope that I stay consistent here because I have never been able to complete anything I've started. I'm very good at leaving things halfway… either I get scared of the feeling that things will end, or maybe I'm just lazy. The second option seems more likely. No worries. I won't think negatively today. My mom says that you shouldn't start anything with doubt. kis baat ka ग़म, when i know I’m not किसी से कम।  वाह वाह! बातों में तो कोई पीछे नहीं छोड़ सकता हमे 😙