Pattern 🌀

 1:20 am

Today is not a good day. I have no motivation. Nothing at all. The day brings a reality check, and my confidence just drains away. This happens when you want to live in a dream world and don't want to step out of it. In my life, not many people stay for long. They only stay when I keep a little distance. When I get too close, I fear that the other person might leave me after seeing my flaws. Well, this has always been the case, but today my mood is off, and the reason for it is something else. I try to stay away from all troubles, but what’s the point of keeping that distance when I restrict myself? Just today, I spoke to someone on the phone, and they made me realize that I have nothing new to share anymore. All old stories. Mostly from school or some offensive comment someone made, and I end up worrying about it all day. No productive work. Why have I become like this? I don’t know. When I am honest with others, why am I so disloyal to myself? Yesterday, I watched a movie called Lucky Bhasker, in which a lot goes wrong for the actor in one day. And when someone asks him if he is okay, he says that if you look at it, not even half an hour of the day has passed according to him... but if i keep sitting and crying about all those things throughout my life . That's not right. 

And maybe I have been making this same mistake in my life. Crying is not wrong, but holding myself back is very wrong. I haven't written anything in Hindi because until I bring a change in my own life, there's no point in writing about it.

S.S.


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