जलेबी सी ज़िंदगी 🥨

                     

06:20 am

I feel strange even saying this, but I’ve reached that point in life where it feels like maybe… I won’t be able to do anything.

I don’t even try.

I know what my problem is.

I know what’s causing it.

I even know what the consequences will be.

I also know that if I don’t take a step for myself right now, the life I’ll have to live in the next year or two will be a nightmare.

Right now, I’m barely surviving — holding onto 0.01% hope that maybe, somehow, things will get better.

I can see everything falling apart.

And you know what?

Even then, I’m just… stuck. Standing still.

I don’t even know why.


Sometimes I feel like maybe, by standing still, everything might fix itself. But for the past six months, I’ve been blogging and I keep writing how this very stillness is becoming my biggest problem.Because no major change is happening.


I’m not becoming the independent girl I wanted to be.These last two months have felt so strange… so heavy.When I go to the temple, even there I feel ashamed. I can’t even look God in the eyes, because I haven’t been doing anything for myself.For the past two months, I’ve just been lying in bed… overthinking.

Today evening, I was eating jalebi and samosa and just looking at the jalebi reminded me of my own life,how twisted, messed up, and entangled everything is. And even after being in such a terrible state,

I don’t know why… but I still have hope in myself. Maybe God gave me a bit too much positivity.I think Even if I’m drowning in the ocean,even if I don’t know how to swim, somehow, I still believe that a strong wave will carry me to shore, and I’ll survive. I

I might reach the shore and survive, but I want to live, don’t I? In this battle to find happiness, I keep sinking myself deeper into sadness.

S.S.

 the shore and survive, but I I might reach the shore and survive, but I want to live, don’t I? In this battle to find happiness, I keep sinking myself deeper into sadness.

 to truly I might reach the shore and survive, but I want to live, don’t I? In this battle to find happiness, I keep sinking myself deeper into sadness.

 right? In the battle to be happy, I’m slowly drowning myself in sadness.



 make it to the shore and survive, but I want to truly live, right? In the battle to be happy, I’m slowly drowning 

I might make it to the shore and survive, but I want to truly live, right? In the battle to be happy, I’m slowly drowning myself in sadness.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Rising, Regardless ⛅️

Image
Its 7:00 am in the morning. I was trying to sleep but couldn’t, so I came here to write instead. It’s been a while since anything significant has happened. Sometimes I catch myself wondering — what’s going to become of me? Honestly, I don’t know. But here’s what I do know: I cleared an exam in December… one I truly didn’t think I’d pass. When the result came out in March, something changed — not just in me, but in the way my family saw me. A kind of quiet belief crept into their eyes. And I’m not just talking about my parents — they’ve always had an unshakeable faith in me. They’re the kind of people who believe that anything I attempt, I’ll eventually succeed in. Their belief has been my lifeline on the days I wanted to give up. But this story is also about the others — the ones who once didn’t think I was capable of much. Even their perspective started shifting. It’s because of this hope that I’ve kept going, even when I had every reason to stop. I don’t want to let anyone do...
Read more

New-born 🐤

Image
11:00 pm  I am writing this blog after quite a few days. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I wasn’t able to write. You could say it was laziness... but as I said before, I would stay consistent. However, since I took a break, I didn’t write for several more days due to guilt. But from nothing, something is definitely better. That’s why I’m back with my stories, thoughts, and experiences. Now the new year has arrived, and I'm thinking about what changes have come with it. I entered the new year being completely sick. My voice was even gone. Now I'm slowly getting better, but if you look at it, the calendar has changed, but I'm still the same.  But I don’t know why this time everything feels so new and nice, as if it’s my first time on this earth,lol My week has been great... less screen time. Awesome company... so many reasons to be grateful... I'm learning something new every day... I'm realizing that when you do things with love, everything becomes easier... ...
Read more

पैसे से peace है? 💰

2:45 am So today we were talking about the future... my friend asked me how I imagine myself in the future. I had to think a lot about what I want. Earlier, I used to answer that I would either be a big scholar or a great artist. But today, the only thing that came to my mind is that I just want stability in life and that my mind should never be filled with dirt or negativity. My friend said that this is only possible when I do something good career-wise and have money in my pocket; only then will there be some normalcy in life, and my faith will not waver. I found her point quite valid, and the question arises whether I should maintain the stability I have in my life or run like others to earn money so that my future is secure. But in this race for money, will I lose sight of my ultimate goal of normalcy and stability? Or should I do something that brings me happiness, like staying at home? But will this make me look small or a failure in the eyes of society? फ़िलहाल तो मैं इस उलझन पर...
Read more