Chaand par chai ☕️

                       06:20 am I feel strange even saying this, but I’ve reached that point in life where it feels like maybe… I won’t be able to do anything. I don’t even try. I know what my problem is. I know what’s causing it. I even know what the consequences will be. I also know that if I don’t take a step for myself right now, the life I’ll have to live in the next year or two will be a nightmare. Right now, I’m barely surviving — holding onto 0.01% hope that maybe, somehow, things will get better. I can see everything falling apart. And you know what? Even then, I’m just… stuck. Standing still. I don’t even know why. Sometimes I feel like maybe, by standing still, everything might fix itself.  But for the past six months, I’ve been blogging and I keep writing how this very stillness is becoming my biggest problem. Because no major change is happening. I’m not becoming the independent girl I wanted to be....

 07:12 am डर है कहीं वक्त की रफ्तार से पिछड़ न जाऊँ, डर है कहीं मौके की दस्तक पर चुप न रह जाऊँ, डर है कहीं जल्दबाज़ी में राहें उलझ न जाएँ, डर है कहीं धैर्य रखते-रखते हाथ खाली न रह जाएँ। देखूँ क्या दुनिया कितनी आगे निकल गई, या देखूँ खुद में, मैं कितनी दूर चल आई? खुश रहूँ खुद में, खुद को थामे रहूँ, या जिनसे खुशियाँ पाई, उनकी हँसी सहेज लूँ? डर है कहीं भीड़ में खो न जाऊँ, डर है कहीं अकेले रह जाने से टूट न जाऊँ। सब्र करूँ, कि फल मीठा लगे, या सब्र में डूबकर, हर मोड़ पर झुकती रहूँ? मन के बोझ को किससे बाँटूँ, किससे कहूँ? या चुपचाप खुद से ही जूझती रहूँ? क्या मैं खुद को संभाल पाऊँगी, या बिखरकर फिर खुद ही उठ जाऊँगी? अगर लोग मेरी डोर न थामें, तो क्या अपनी शांति से सौदा कर लूँ? बाहर के शोर को सुलझाऊँ, या भीतर की जंग में खुद को ढूँढ लूँ? ये डर, ये सवाल, ये अनकही लड़ाई, कहाँ ले जाएगी मुझे — मैं ही क्या जानूँ? पर चलूँगी, रुकूँगी, गिरी तो उठूँगी, क्योंकि आखिर में, मैं खुद ही अपनी राह बनूँगी। S.S.

Its 7:00 am in the morning. I was trying to sleep but couldn’t, so I came here to write instead. It’s been a while since anything significant has happened. Sometimes I catch myself wondering — what’s going to become of me? Honestly, I don’t know. But here’s what I do know: I cleared an exam in December… one I truly didn’t think I’d pass. When the result came out in March, something changed — not just in me, but in the way my family saw me. A kind of quiet belief crept into their eyes. And I’m not just talking about my parents — they’ve always had an unshakeable faith in me. They’re the kind of people who believe that anything I attempt, I’ll eventually succeed in. Their belief has been my lifeline on the days I wanted to give up. But this story is also about the others — the ones who once didn’t think I was capable of much. Even their perspective started shifting. It’s because of this hope that I’ve kept going, even when I had every reason to stop. I don’t want to let anyone do...

Siddhi-Buddhi-Prada   8:30 pm Sometimes people know what's right and wrong for them, but they still do what they truly want without thinking about the consequences. Take me for example, when I came here and started writing blogs, my life was messed up, but my goal was clear. As my life slowly got sorted, my goal became blurry. Now, to be honest, I can't even remember my goal. I don't remember what I was fighting for, what I wanted to achieve. I made a roadmap for myself, but it's just a distant memory now. I don't even know when I started lying to myself while lying to others. I'm lost in a भूल-भुलैया , and I don't know how to get out.  Because I feel like I'll be able to control the things I'm seeing now, I understand that the whole game is about understanding things because what you see isn't necessarily the truth. It could be an illusion. I went to the temple two days ago. I go there often. As you enter the temple, there's a statue of Ramj...

                                                                               02:21 am I am in a condition like these pigeons, I am on the edge. Sometimes I feel like I have understood everything about life and that I will just focus on work, but then I end up in the same mess. Such actions will either make me soar to great heights or bring me crashing down. Isn't it strange? I had promised myself to stay consistent with whatever I was doing... but I couldn't. To be honest, I'm feeling embarrassed while writing this blog. There's so much guilt that I've just been procrastinating. And I haven't written anything for so many days... though during these days, I socialized a lot. I met my old friends too. Old memories were refreshed. I didn't spend a lot of time with them, but whatever time I d...

Chai par chaand? 🌕   I haven't written anything for a few days... and by a few days, I mean a lot of days... Why haven't I written? What reason should I give? Because there’s nothing. Just excuses . It's carelessness, you could say. Since I'm away from home, every day is different; something or the other keeps coming up. I’m happy that I’m not thinking about unnecessary things while being more free, and my life isn’t monotonous at the same time. But I’m also sad because I have to deal with different things every day, and I don’t understand how to handle them. It's 4 in the morning. It's raining heavily... I don't know why, but when it rains, the desire to drink tea increases. But it's too late to have tea now... I don't like the rain; whenever it rains, I get worried that everything will get washed away. I feel like the rain will come and take everything away with it. More than the storm that comes with the rain, I'm afraid of the silence and em...